Tired of Bad Dates? Take a look at this Date From Hell Story!


I meet this very nice divorced woman (with 2 kids) on Match.com.  After exchanging emails for over a week, we meet one evening at a nearby restaurant (near both our houses). The conversation goes well and she immediately excepts my invitation for a Saturday night date. That date goes well and we agree to date number 2. Another good date. She likes me. I can tell by the way she is looking at me and other body language (lots of close contact).

The evening ends with a brief but somewhat passionate kiss. 3 days later, I ask her out for the following weekend. She says she can't because she has her kids all weekend. I can understand that. But, there is more! She says that she really likes me a lot and enjoys being with me. She likes my personality, says I am handsome, nice, honest and intelligent. BUT, we can only be friends! She wants to develop a friendship with me but that's it. She says she wishes she felt differently. I am like ok, but I am looking for a dating relationship, not a dinner buddy. I tell her I am attracted to her and because of this, a friendship will never work.

The old "friends" line. Ugh, why not just say "hey, I am just not attracted to you in that way" instead of sugar coating it by telling me how much she likes me and confusing the hell out of me? Or maybe she really did like me and just wasn't ready to date (she said she was over her divorce)? Maybe the kiss scared her off? I guess I will never know because she would not say what it really was.

For the record, this was not my first experience with trying to date a divorced woman that ended in disappointment.

This date from hell story was submitted by:  Andrew

Dr. Gooddate's response:

Thank you for the story Andrew.

I wouldn't look too far beyond the facts.  You had a nice few dates.  You felt the passion.  She didn't. That's really where it all starts and ends. This actually sounds like a not-so-bad scenario that I wouldn't even consider a "date from hell" by any stretch of the imagination.  What you experienced was something that millions of daters go through every week.  Good dates, but unfortunately it just didn't work out.

I always say not to look so far into the situation and certainly don't waste your valuable time analyzing what happend. Could it be the kiss?  Maybe.  But maybe she loved the kiss and just didn't feel the sparks or chemistry.  You're not going to be everyone's cup of tea and the same holds true with your feelings towards other women.

Without knowing every last detail, I can't even venture a guess at what happened. Perhaps she got scared. Perhaps she's not over her divorce.  Perhaps she just wasn't that into you.  And if she wasn't, that is perfectly fine and says nothing critical about you as a man and as a person.  Better to have her be honest as early as she was vs. stringing you along.

You do realize that she has no intention of being friends don't you?  True, this is a "let you down easy" line, nevertheless you do have to respect her wishes and admire the fact that she handled the matter sensitively and caringly.  It beats the heck out of saying "you're just not my type".  I always say it's better to be kind and considerate than hurtful or overly direct.  Sure, it is sugarcoating to some extent, but the fact is she just wasn't attracted to you in the right ways - you already know that. Would it have really made you feel better had she said that?  Probably not.  So I don't see why you're "confused".  Where's the confusion?  It sounds pretty cut and dry if you ask me!

Move on.  It's not like you were involved with her for a several months or years.  You had a nice few dates.  Be grateful for that; but that's where it ends.  It happens to everyone and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

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