Tired of Bad Dates? Take a look at this Date From Hell Story!


After a few internet dates over the years I soon realized you have to meet someone and find out if that 'spark' is there in real life before you get too carried away with flights of fancy about what the future might hold. Having said that, on this occasion, I didn't take my own advice to heart very much and after 2 very romantic months of chatting many hours a day via webcam, Skype, email and yahoo I.Ms with a girl called Anke in Germany we met up for, supposedly, 2 romantic days together and our first 'date' in the city of (where else), Paris!

This girl who for weeks had been so unbelievably excited to meet me, whom i had had to put the brakes a little on her utter devotion by stating that we should wait until we meet before she said she loved me etc and whom had sent me bank transfer money to enable me to book one room with a double bed for our nights together .. was not the person i had hoped to meet at all.

Yes she was the same person but her manner and personality was colder, distant and indifferent. Even her voice was less friendly and warm than the way, and what, she had spoken so often before:

"Ich verstehe nicht, wie es sein kann, dass wir heute wieder so lange gesprochen haben und ich dich dennoch vermisse!"

"I do not understand, how it can be that we spoke today again so for a long time and I miss you nevertheless"

"I'm so glad you're out there (sooo far away but always on my mind David and in my heart!)! 100 bussis (kisses) for you my special David, mein Schatz mein Lieb (my tresure, my love."

But i did tell her often that should romance not be on the cards for us in Paris that i would not be upset and that i was looking forward to being good friends should that be the case. There was never any presure from me for anything else. (To which she always replied she couldn't wait to have my arms wrapped around her and had been dreaming about us and told her parents all about us etc etc.)

After checking in to our hotel room she got a text and from that moment on was different and as i was half asleep (waiting for her to stop talking on her phone for ages) she made a lame excuse and ran out on me. To another hotel.

I was devastated in truth. I felt sick for the hours i was trying to get to sleep, wondering if she was ok or upset/disapppointed/hurt. I was texting her and leaving voice messages "I'm so so sorry. What i have i said or done to upset you?! We can be just friends.. i am very happy to have you as just my friend. You know that. Please come back so we can talk. I'll change rooms for you.. please let me know you are ok tonight! I am worried about you".

I must have unknowingly said or done something terribly wrong I thought, for My Anke, who was so very excited to see me a just short time ago, to run away like that unplanned. Maybe Anke was walking the streets so dismayed and disappointed that 'her David' was not what she expected or someone she didn't want or feel comfortable spending time alone with. Even just to talk to as my good buddy.. as it's been the case for me that women have always felt comfortable around me all my life. Therefore Anke must regret being here altogether?! Myabe she has just gone home.

But, the next morning i get a text: "Of course i am still in Paris silly (wink) just needed to be alone for myself after all this chaos back home. Sorry for the confusion. See you at the Louvre later? Must go, shower time. xxx"

Again later about 1pm she texts me to come and find her at the Louvre but i spend 3 hours or more looking for her without result and eventually give up and go back to my hotel.

In the evening we meet for our pre-planned "romantic" river boat cruise down the river seine at night for onboard dinner. But she didn't give me the explanation for her ubrupt departure the night before as she had said she would and the conversation was not romantic or personal in any way.

She didn't come up to my room to talk to me that night after the cruise. She is gone again before i can even ask. I feel she has somewhere else to be urgently. Somewhere else she would rather be. I thought even as friends we would spend time together but she just wants to get away from me again. I don't understand.

Our last day together. She tried to get rid of me outside the eiffel tower saying she could have lunch alone if i wanted to go off and see the sights by myself?! When she isn't avoiding eye contact she is walking very fast and rushing through the things we said we would do, or texting ALL the time or just staring off into the distance. By now i just want to go home. The highlight being a reminder by me of our online joke about carrying each other up the Eiffel tower which was replied to like a brick in the face:

She takes a step back, puts out her hand and says "I'm serious David, if you touch me i will kick and scream." My heart sank into the gutter at my feet and i just wanted to turn at that point and go home. But i couldn't. She had come all the way to meet me and it would not have been kind or gentlemanly to leave her there on her own in Paris. Confident girl though she was. It would not have been kind of me. So i stayed.

We parted company 3 hours before my train was due to leave (because she had to pack her tiny bag?), i got a kiss in the air and then watched her walked away until she was out of sight. She had taken the presents i had given her: cashews nuts, white leopard soap, heart shaped soap, homemade shortbread biscuits shaped like hearts and some forget-me-not flower seeds. The seeds were to tie in with one of the many previous poems i had written her the preceding 2 months that she devoured with relish and re-read in bed several times over apparently (imagining us together bla bla bla.)

It's a long way to come home to the UK from Paris when you are miserable.  I never thought i would hear from her again.

When i am home she writes that she had a nice time, but can only offer friendship and has no time for relationships. After a few days i accept that although something still feels very wrong.
In Paris i suggest adding her to facebook as i had had a look at her page 3 weeks before but hadn't added her but wanted to wait until we met. I notice she is very active there and has 130 odd friends. She seems surprised i have facebook and mumbles that she only has 20-30 friends and isn't on there very much. Of course that comment seemed odd but i say nothing at the time or speak of noticing that for 2 weeks before Paris she increased the security settings so non-friends couldn't see her status or friend list. (I thought nothing of it at the time.)

after 1 week or ten days and a couple of brief but friendly conversations on yahoo as well as a reminder that she still hasn't added me to facebook i browse on there and notice her picture on her mums friends list and when i click it says this guy in her town is 'in a relationship Anke'.?!  This is a surprise as she said she didn't have time for relationships with everything going on in her life and also i find it a surprise that this girl that, being blunt, was head over heels in love with me, had told me personal things about her life and had sent semi-naked webcam photos albeit very tastful and something i had never asked for, was, now, suddenly and so soon after Paris besotted with someone new.

I wanted to ask her about how this came about so quickly so caught up with her online:

"yeah, David we met a few times, got along really well and that's one of the things I have on my mind at the moment. i'll see where it takes me.

He has been quite sweet to me for a couple of weeks before Paris..."

BEFORE Paris?! I tried to ask why she didn't tell me she had met someone when, for 2 weeks before Paris, i had continued to send my usual romantic emails and poems and Valentine day messages and all she said was "you are so sweet, Happy Valentines Day sweety, i can't wait to meet you my Angel, Babe, hun, Not long for Paris now. I am so excited mein Schatz Anke xxx etc".

All she kept saying in reply was she had had a difficult life, was confused, hadn't made her mind up about this new guy yet and "the point of the trip (to Paris) was getting to know you and see some stuff and i did that, David."

After weeks of calming and tempering her passions and reminding her we had to met before we went too far she says now:

"It's not like we were dating, i never said we were together. I never made you any promises. Him and I weren't even together then properly."

How awful it all was. Especially later when i looked at this guys page and noticed their relationship link on the 9th feb and their romantic valentines day dinner together.

So many lies from someone i thought had so much integrity but turned out to play games and be quite ruthless after all. For i feel now those 2 months were just a game and she had no intention of starting anything. I also feel there might have even been someone with us in Paris the whole time and that's why she ran out of the room, couldn't tell me if she had a single or double room in the new hotel and 20 other small details which point to someone else being there when i wasn't a problem and was only ever kind to her.

Apparently she had told her mum and dad all about me and they were "very pleased she had found someone so nice that she cared about so much". So i wrote to them after Paris asking for an explantion of why Anke simply didn't write a short email before Paris and tell me she had met someone. They never replied.

She made it seem so plausable that a relationship would start as she would "have to spend a year in an English speaking country as part of her coursework" and "this would be the greatest year of her life just for meeting me".

"I am so happy i have found you David. I can't wait to have your arms around me at night and ream of you and I together. What have you done to me.. i can't stop thinking about you".

But after Paris it was "I have had a reality check, the distance is too great and it wasn't really going anywhere after all wasn't it David? I haven't even made my mind up about Marc so how could i tell you?!"

"Besides, i only knew you from the internet, David".

I will try not to judge all Germans from the ruthless behavior of one. But i know i will never write another poem again for the amusement of anyone's games.

This date from hell story was submitted by:  David from Wiltshire, UK

Dr. Gooddate's response:

David: If the story went exactly as you told it, then this girl is a complete weirdo and bordering on "freak".  I cannot judge though because there are two sides to every story, so all I have to go by is what you wrote to us.  So let's play it safe for now and just call it as I see it:  I think she's a liar. And I think  you got conned.

I'm guessing she had multiple irons in the fire, and when she arrived, she made it a point to meet you and at least one other man.  Her needing "alone time" was absolute nonsense, and I'd bet my left leg that she was outright lying.  So she probably went off to meet another (or more than one) man.  She then simply took her best option.

She wasn't into you, and that's OK.  Cut your losses and don't waste good energy thinking about a not-so-good situation.  It's not worth the mental effort.

This also has nothing to do with Anke being German.  It has to do with her playing the field and choosing her best option - if any.

Think realistically when you enter these types of new relationships.  Stick close to your home base.  The idea of starting a relationship that spans national borders is just an awful idea.  And once you receive the brightest of bright red flags as you did, just head for the hills.

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