Internet Dating Glossary

Undoubtedly many of you will not recognize the terms we attribute to lousy internet daters, but certainly, many of you will recognize the signs and symptoms and have probably experienced these types of people during your online dating endeavors.

"The Cost Controller"

With chivalry as a guide here, we'll assume that this applies to the men, simply because men are typically expected to (and should) pay for the first date or first several dates.

Get your eye off the really good food and drink on your date, because the Cost Controller will see to it that you don't spend too much of his money - basically because he's cheap! 

Have you ever been on a date where the man will actually order your drinks and/or food FOR you? He might be playing the chivalrous, "I'll take care of you" role, however in most cases, this is only a facade.  The cost controller is cheap...period.  He usually won't risk allowing you to order whatever it is you want because he's concerned that your glass of wine might cost $10.00 rather than the $4.00 house wine he's got his eye on for you.  Think about it... 3 glasses and he's in the hole for $30 bucks vs. $12 if he controls the situation.

I've found that considerate women, who truly want to make a good impression, usually keep themselves in check on the first date or two.  This simply means that while they assume the man will be footing the bill for the date, they are considerate enough to not take advantage of this situation.  She can choose the lobster tail, but she opts for the burger instead.  She can choose the $10.00 martini, but she goes for a Bud Light instead.  You get the point. She is trying not to overspend and truly taking his wallet into consideration.  Perhaps you've done this yourself. If you have, kudos to you for not taking advantage.  Typically, this will score you important brownie points early in the game.

As for me, I will always (no exceptions) pay for the date.  I will usually try to put my date at ease when out to dinner and let her know she should feel free to indulge and order anything she'd like.  I'll say something like "Don't be shy. Please order whatever you'd like".  Now it's not a big deal if you don't hear your date say this.  It doesn't mean he won't spend the money - but use some tact and try not to take advantage.  Just realize that when Mr. Wonderful does all the ordering for you, he's most likely just trying to prevent you from draining his funds (which are usually minimal in a situation like this).

Does this mean that every man who does the ordering for you is cheap?  Absolutely not.  There are always exceptions. But a well mannered man will ask if he can make recommendations and/or inquire as to foods or drinks you don't like - just to be sure you'll be happy with his selection.  Or, perhaps the man will order for you, but he may actually order the most expensive items on the menu - which indicates he isn't worried about the money.  But just pay attention to how he goes about this.  If he takes the bull by the horns, doesn't consult with you, and simply orders for both of you throughout the night, then he's probably a Cost Controller who is going to worry all night long about parting with an extra dime!

Diagnosis:  Cheap, Selfish, Sometimes Unemployed (although he hasn't told you that)

<< Back to the Online Dating Glossary