Internet Dating Glossary

Dating on the internet often brings disappointment, disgruntlement, heartache and even heartburn! Read my invaluable internet dating terms to help you spot the con jobs and losers before they can take advantage of you!

"The Overlapper"

The single person or internet dater who wraps you up while he/she continues to seek other relationships

The Overlapper is someone you will find all over the internet and also in the non-internet dating world.  The Overlapper is insecure and self-centered because he or she may very well be working on a new relationship while leading you to believe he or she is devoted to or still very interested in you! 

You've definitely seen The Overlapper in action.  Perhaps you have done it; Perhaps your friends have done it; Perhaps even your current mate is overlapping as we speak.  Because The Overlapper is so insecure, he or she will continue to seek dates in the real world and on the internet regardless of the state of your current relationship.  Sometimes they suffer from the "always searching for something better" syndrome, or they are so insecure they feel as if they are always on the verge of being dumped by you.  Whether this is the case or not, The Overlapper is afraid to be alone, even for one single day, and will stop at nothing to line up his or her next "squeeze".  Many times, overlapping is not done intentionally, rather out of immense insecurity.  We all have friends and acquaintances who never seem to be out of a relationship.  Mary was hot and heavy with John for months and even claimed to love him.  Well the next time you inquire about Mary and John, you hear, "Oh they broke up recently.  Mary is going out with this great new guy!".  Of course she is!  Mary is always going out with some "great new guy".  Unfortunately, each new guy will quickly become an old guy and Mary will be spotted next week with a new beau who was the victim of her most recent Overlap.

The really bad Overlappers are the ones who jump right from the fire into the frying pan.  We've all seen them.  John is going through a bitter and trying divorce, but what do ya know?!?!  John has an ad on a personals website because this genius is certain he is ready to find a new girlfriend.  Not so fast Speedy Gonzales!  Have you ever heard of being centered, grounded and HEALED?  Nobody, and I mean nobody, can give of themselves what is required to sustain a healthy relationship when they're just coming out of one - especially a divorce or separation.  These Overlappers will show their true colors quickly - often on the first date - by yapping and whining incessantly about their ex and the current situation of that ongoing struggle.  John is not ready for a new relationship.  He is merely insecure and overlapping to feed his ego while he attempts to lure you into a relationship.

When I see an ad that talks about the person going through a divorce, separated, newly separated or newly divorced, I avoid it like the plague.  In the distant past, I met several very nice women who had JUST divorced or were separated.  From experience, I learned to say "Call me when you're 1 to 2 years out of the divorce, because emotionally and statistically, you are NOT ready for a committed relationship".  Sorry guys and gals.  If this is you, and you are so certain that you can come fresh from a broken relationship into a new and rewarding one, think again.  All you're doing is overlapping and it won't work.  And ladies please!!!  Here is one I have heard endlessly:  "Oh, I have been divorced for 3 months, but we were separated for 8 months and anyway, I was MENTALLY finished with the marriage long ago!".  Sheesh!  If I, or my friends hear this from another woman one more time, just please slit my wrists now will ya?!?!  Try dating someone who throws this heap of crap on you and watch what happens shortly into the relationship!

The Overlapper needs to learn that being alone is not the end of the world. He or she should have a core group of friends or at least a few good supportive friends, first and foremost.  He needs to feel good about himself and his life before he can feel good in a mutually satisfying relationship.  Regardless if you are male or female; if you tell me you know with absolute certainty that although you are divorced for only a couple of months and you are definitely ready to start a new committed relationship, then I'm very sorry, but you are a schmuck!  'Nuff said!

Diagnosis:  Distrustful, Insecure, Disrespectful, Self-Centered

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