Tired of Bad Dates? Take a look at this Date From Hell Story!

FARTING FIASCO

Last month, I was on a date with a gentleman I met online.  We had corresponded via e-mail and then by telephone for about two weeks before finally getting our schedules in sync for a real meeting.  Let's call my date "Bob".  I have told so many friends about this, and now I am writing to you with this story, so I prefer not to mention his real name.  Our first meeting was going to be informal, so we decided to meet for coffee. I prefer to meet a man over coffee for the first meeting, in case I need to make a quick getaway!  I arrived before Bob, so I waited anxiously.  I was very excited when Bob arrived because he was as handsome as his photos and was nicely dressed.  He had a great demeanor and was a very smart guy, so once I saw how cute he was, I was excited!

After talking and laughing for about an hour, and sharing several of our own bad date stories, I suddenly got a whiff of the most horrifying odor.  I looked around us to see where it came from, but there was nobody within 10 or 15 feet of us at the time, so my first thought was that Bob Farted!  If he did, I now knew what "silent but deadly" meant.  OMG it was brutal.  I was embarrassed for him but pretended not to smell anything.  You know how your nose moves when you're intentionally trying to smell something?  Well I tried very hard not to do that.  Bob said he needed to make a quick call to check on his kids, so he stepped outside for a moment. I didn't buy this story at all. I was sure that Bob just wanted to go outside to continue (and hopefully finish) his "emissions"!  Meanwhile, people started walking past me in the coffee shop and they smelled this nasty odor too. Needless to say, I was the one who began getting dirty looks.  It was so humiliating!

Bob walked back in when he got off the phone and said he needed to use the restroom.  Well the restroom door was only a few feet from where we were sitting.  After about two minutes, I heard the most vile sounds coming from the restroom.  I mean moaning, groaning and farting like I have never heard in my life.  People started looking around and laughing.  It sounded like Bob was going to burst a vein in his forehead!  The noises continued and so did the laughter in the coffee shop.  Holy crap!!! Pardon the pun.  Bob sounded like he hadn't relieved himself in months.  Either that or he had some rotten Mexican food the night before!  Anyway, the story continues.  It was bad enough that Bob's farts could be heard outside the restroom, but the noises he was making were terrifying.  I mean noises you should only make in your own home!  It would be one massive fart after another, followed by a sigh of relief.  Apparently Bob thought the walls were thicker than they actually were because he wasn't aware that he was putting on his own ass concert for all the customers to hear.

I couldn't take it anymore.  Everyone in the coffee shop was laughing.  And of course they were looking at me because they knew I was his date.  I was so embarrassed. I stood up and told the laughing customers that I was on a first date with this man and I was so embarrassed.  I asked one of the workers to tell Bob that I had to leave, and I ran out the door and quickly drove away.  That afternoon, I got a phone call and a nasty email from Bob who was completely pissed that I left while he was in the men's room and he called me a b*tch!  I guess he wasn't aware of the little show he was putting on from the bathroom and I couldn't stand the thought of embarrassing him, so I emailed him back and told him he just wasn't my type and I was sorry.

What a shame.  He seemed like such a nice guy, and I really am not this shallow.  But I just couldn't get past this vision I would forever have in my head.  Poor Bob.  And poor coffee shop customers!!!

This date from hell story was submitted by:  Linda from Connecticut

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