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Internet Dating Advice
Whether you're new to internet dating, or an old pro, I'm here to
help. And by the way, if you're "an old pro", you're clearly
doing something wrong. As I continue my research of the
world of online dating, I often peruse the many dating websites
available. I read profiles, note the interesting posts and
sometimes contact the person. What gets my goat is seeing the same
people, with the same ads, and the same photos - clearly doing the
same old thing with their lives. I am talking 2 or 3 years
later, not 2 or 3 weeks. Let's face facts, we won't all meet
our soul mates in a week's time, but if you're doing the same thing
you were years ago, and you're still single or unhappily attached,
then you need my help. I'm here to help, so ask away!
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Dr. Datealot's Online Dating Q&A's
(updated every week)
FEMALE: Help me Dr. Datealot! I
can't take this anymore! In my personals ad, I am very clear on what I want.
I specify the age range I am interested in and the type of man I am trying to
meet. I am in my early 40's and I do not want to hear from BOYS. I
make it plain and obvious that I am interested in men between the ages of 37 and
49. No matter what I say in my ad, more than half the replies I receive
are from men under the age of 30. What should I do? - Mary,
Spokane, WA
| Dr. Datealot:
Hello Mary. What you are experiencing in the world of
internet dating is not at all unusual. You will find
that while females are usually very sure about who they want
to meet, men don't often think with the right head and will
often take what they can get. I am willing to bet that
nearly all of these replies include something to the tune
of: "I really like older women and I am very mature for my
age". Blah blah blah. It's nonsense!
Younger men who ignore your ad requests and write to you
when they don't meet your criteria tells me two things: (1)
They are disrespectful and don't care what you desire.
They are selfishly putting only their desires above yours,
and (2) They probably aren't even reading your entire ad and
are more than likely sending the same response to every
woman they come across on the singles website you are using.
If you are using a free service such as Craig's List, there
is simply no avoiding this. If you are on a reputable,
pay site for dating, try to bold or capitalize atop your ad
what you do not want. For example: BEFORE YOU READ
THIS: I AM SORRY, BUT PLEASE REPLY ONLY IF YOU ARE AGE 37 OR
OLDER. The bold and/or
upper case will stand out and make your desires clear.
By saying "I am sorry" up front, you are making it clear
that you are not snobby, bitchy nor trying to be
disrespectful - you simply know who you want to hear from. This should stop many of those who don't bother to read your
full ad
from replying. Sure you will still get the creeps who
ignore your request, but that's the nature of the beast.
If all else fails, consider a site such as eHarmony, where
your criteria must be met and matched before contact is
made or one of the many other singles sites that screen
their members. I am in no way affiliated with any of the dating
websites, nor do I endorse any of them. So when I
mention eHarmony, it is my personal suggestion only.
Give it a try and let me know how you do!
Need Advice? Have a question of your own? Let me
know.
Submit your question now! |
FEMALE: Hi Dr. Datealot. I have met a number of
quality men online over the past two years. Obviously, I have not met the
right man for me yet. While many of my first dates have gone well, I
always come across a man who I have no interest in but still tries to "attack"
me at the end of the night. I know I am not giving off any vibes that say
"kiss me"! As a matter of fact, I will not kiss a man on the first date
EVER. Am I doing something wrong? -Jen, Florida
| Dr. Datealot: Poor
Jen! I'm sorry to hear about the problem you are
having with what I call the "Social Skills Moron". Not
all people are capable of picking up on body language,
physical gestures and verbal queues. This seems to be
prevalent among male dates more so than females. Many
men are inexperienced daters and inexperienced in life
itself, not to mention typically more immature compared to
their female counterparts. I have heard your story
over and over. I have even heard of a man "making his
move" at the end of a date in which the woman already said
she was not interested in a second date! My advice to
you is twofold. I would state in your online ad that
you do not kiss nor engage in any intimate activity on the first
date or even the second or third dates (that's up to you).
Then gauge the amount of respect you receive from each man
who replies. Don't fall victim to the man who says "Oh
I really respect you for not kissing on the first date.
I would never kiss on the first date either". As I
always say: NONSENSE! Sure there are exceptions, and
sure this may be true - but be VERY AWARE of the man who
plays to your desires simply to get on your good side.
This happens all the time. He'll say whatever you need
to hear and the real manipulators do it very well. If
you do feel that the man is sincere in his response, just
make it very clear that you'd like to pursue communication
online (possibly email or chat) until you feel comfortable
enough to go to the phone. Then, once you do take it
to the telephone for more personal, real-time conversing,
make it abundantly clear that you would like to get to know
him better before venturing out on a date. This could
take a day, a week or more. That is solely up to you.
If he is the right man, he will be fine with this.
If he respects your wishes, and continues to be courteous
throughout your communication, then this could very well be
someone you should meet. #1 for me is respect.
If you've gotten this far, then he's given you that respect
and this is the first piece of the puzzle. Be sure to
reinforce the fact that you do not and will not kiss on the
first date when you chat with him. The real test will
be to see if he adheres to your rule when you meet him.
If he does not, then rule him out immediately because if
your clearly stated wishes cannot be respected so early out
of the gate, then the lack of respect will only get worse.
If he does respect your wishes, then you are off to a great
start! Need Advice? Have a question of your own?
Let me know.
Submit your question now! |
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Don't forget to tell us about your own internet date horror story or write to us with suggestions, comments, or even your own contributions to our
dating glossary for idiots! Any thoughts, feedback or personal
experiences you have are welcome.Just use our
contact page to get in touch with us! |
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