Who is Dr. Datealot?

What makes someone a real expert?  A PhD?  A certificate or license?  Not really and not always.  Why do I say this?  It's simple.  If you have an issue with any aspect of your life and you talk to a psychologist, a social worker, a clergyman, your friend, Dear Abby, a resident psychic, Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, Judge Judy or Oprah - I really don't care who you speak with - you are more than likely going to get differing opinions and feedback from each.  Do you for one moment think your pastor will advise you on dating via sex/adult dating websites the same as Dr. Phil would?  And God forbid you get Dr. Laura's feedback on the same topic!  YIKES!  Plug your ears!  What makes an automobile mechanic more knowledgeable than you when it comes to changing your oil or repairing a belt?  What makes one attorney better than another?  What makes your OBGYN better than Suzie's OBGYN?  Sure you have to possess smarts and often an educational background of some nature, but the core answer for all of these questions, bar none, is EXPERIENCE.  As for the world of internet dating, that's where I come in. My professional psychological and psychiatric credentials?  None.  My experience?  Plenty. 

Many years ago, I delved into the world of online personals and dating before websites like Match.com and eHarmony even existed.  I took quick note of the pitfalls and warning signs that came with every encounter I had.  I read and read and read one profile after another in search of my perfect woman.  By the way:  She still hasn't come!  I went on many dates and spoke to many singles, both male and female.  I spoke to my friends about their encounters.  I chatted in chat rooms and singles forums and posed questions, polls and queries to many.  I did this for years.  After hearing so many brutal experiences, and going through many of my own, I joked about eventually writing a book or publishing articles on this topic.  Back then, I knew someone who was a well-respected editor.  I threw some of my ideas, concepts and experiences past her for review.  She urged me to write about these experiences and eventually seek being published.  Well time passed, and while I dated more, and continued to learn about other disastrous encounters, I took notes, I compiled information and I pushed to learn more.  I continued to listen and ultimately began interviewing online daters from all walks of life.  In fact, some of these dating stories could have been great fodder for some of the best standup comedians.  Actually, I began seeing many comedians using material that I had actually compiled over the years.  It was then I realized I was onto something.

After researching, interviewing, reading and discussing internet dating with a growing list of people, I saw patterns that seemed to repeat themselves time after time.  I saw internet dating discussed on television, the radio, newspapers, talk shows and more.  The business is a multi-billion dollar business on the internet, and while the percentage of marriages starting on the internet is growing constantly, the horror stories far surpass the success stories.  The advice-givers I'd listen to always had differing opinions on the hot topics of online dating, and without getting out there and doing it for themselves, how would any "professional" know what it's like to go through this?  Dr. Phil may have solid advice on mental health issues, and human behavior.  Regardless, how many internet dates has he been on in his life?  How many years has he been posting and replying to personal ads?  The answer: NONE.  If it isn't "none", then Robin should get herself a good divorce attorney, pronto!

As time passed, I began to compile my idiot's glossary from experiences I had as well as hundreds of others' experiences.  It was the same old story over and over.  I even went on internet dates often for the sole purpose of gathering more material data for this project.  Bad Karma?  Possibly.  But I learned a heck of a lot, and I saw so much for myself instead of just listening to someone else bitch and moan about their dating experiences.  Doing this confirmed and solidified what I was hearing from so many others.  So why, you ask, have I not found the perfect woman?  Actually I met plenty of very nice women over the years.  Many were quality women with lots to offer.  I found that the majority wanted to settle down and talk about a future, but if I didn't feel they were right for me, I usually ended the relationship.  I believe that talk about a long-term and permanent future should evolve over time as a couple grows together and truly learns who each other is.  Early on in a fabulous relationship, you may experience lust or infatuation, but trust me, until you know that person inside and out, you are not experiencing "love".  So any woman who started suggesting long-term with me within the first month or two honestly scared the daylights out of me.  As I continued on this project, I hit a point where I knew it was best to remain single, but I always keep my eyes open.  After all, the right person could very well come into your life when you least expect it and are not actively seeking it.

As you are probably already aware, I am a male.  I have always made it a point to hear both sides of people's stories because every story has two sides and two perspectives.  You will see throughout the site that I "tell it like it is".  I don't sugarcoat, I don't treat with kid gloves and I certainly don't beat around the bush.  Additionally, I do NOT take sides.  I will not side with a man just because I am a man.  I will not criticize or give harsh advice to a woman simply because she is female.  My objective is to treat every case individually and look at the situation with a clear perspective.  You will find, in time, that if I am hard on someone, I am equally as hard on the men as I am on the women without exception.  I will always speak from the heart and from experience.  Please know this now:  There are always exceptions to every rule.  If I discuss a 25 year old male contacting a 45 year old woman online, I will tell you straight out it is for no reason other than sex.  And guess what?  99% of the time, I will be right.  Are there exceptions?  Absolutely.  Is there some 25 year old guy out there who sincerely desires a much older woman and has plenty to offer her in terms of a life together?  I'm sure there is, but it is very very rare.  When I often say "men are pigs", do I mean this literally for every man?  Of course not.  There are plenty of wonderful men online for you ladies.  But tell me this... How many penis photos have you received in response to a very typical normal ad you placed?  How many "muscle pose" shots have you gotten?  How many expletive-laced emails with sexual innuendos have made their way to your inbox?  Plenty, I know.  So if I say something like "men are pigs" it is merely a reminder that these actions are typically characteristic of men in the world of internet dating.  When doing my research, I posted plenty of ads and assisted females in doing the same.  The responses I gathered over the years from men and women differed so tremendously that I had to write about it.  I must have seen thousands upon thousands of naked photos from men in response to ladies' ads.  Ask me how many naked photos came my way as a male posting a personals ad.  Go ahead, ask me!  The answer: ZERO.  Sure there were some sexy shots and seductive poses, but no nudies!

In a nutshell, men and women are very different creatures.  What a woman often thinks is important, a man would not even consider as being impactful to a woman.  Guys...get a grip!  If you're older than 30, women don't care about your huge biceps or your "huge member"!  They want intelligence, humor, kindness, affection, accountability, consideration.  If you are a decent looking or semi-handsome man with these qualities, then almost any quality woman could take interest in you.  For the record, what you think is important isn't always a the top of a woman's list and vice versa.  Ladies, you might have the most well manicured hands and feet.  Your eyes might light up a room.  Your wit might be sharper than a tack.  However, while these are so highly important to you, many men don't give a hoot about any of this.  If you bring these qualities and a linebacker's build to the table, he will most often quickly excuse himself.  If you bring these qualities and a clearly visible moustache when you arrive at the restaurant, all your good qualities will go out the door.  Men are visual creatures, women not as much. 

There is so much more I will have to say throughout the site, so be sure to visit all of the different sections of the website, and feel free at any time to contact me and/or submit stories and experiences of your own.  Remember, I am here to help!

Best Regards and Happy Dating!

- Dr. Datealot