 Meet
Dr. Gooddate
What makes someone a real expert? A PhD? A
certificate or license? Not really and not always. Why do I say
this? It's simple. If you have an issue with any aspect of your life
and you talk to a psychologist, a social worker, a clergyman, your
friend, Dear Abby, a resident psychic, Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, Judge
Judy or Oprah - I really don't care who you speak with - you are
more than likely going to get differing opinions and feedback from
each. Do you for one moment think your pastor will advise you on
dating via sex/adult dating websites the same as Dr. Phil would? And
God forbid you get Dr. Laura's feedback on the same topic! YIKES!
Plug your ears! What makes an automobile mechanic more knowledgeable
than you when it comes to changing your oil or repairing a belt?
What makes one attorney better than another? What makes your OBGYN
better than Suzie's OBGYN? Sure you have to possess smarts and often
an educational background of some nature, but the core answer for
all of these questions, bar none, is EXPERIENCE. As for the world of
internet dating, that's where I come in. My professional
psychological and psychiatric credentials? None. My experience?
Plenty.
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Many years ago, I delved into the world of online personals and
dating before websites like
Match.com
and
eHarmony even existed. I took quick note of the pitfalls
and warning signs that came with every encounter I had. I
read and read and read one profile after another in search
of my perfect woman. By the way: She still hasn't come! I
went on many dates and spoke to many singles, both
male and female. I spoke to my friends about their
encounters. I chatted in chat rooms and singles forums and
posed questions, polls and queries to many. I did this for
years. After hearing so many brutal dating experiences,
and going through many of my own, I joked about eventually
writing a book or publishing articles on this topic. |
Back then, I knew someone who was a well-respected editor. I
threw some of my ideas, concepts and experiences past her for
review. She urged me to write about these experiences and eventually
seek being published. Well time passed, and while I dated more, and
continued to learn about other disastrous encounters, I took notes,
I compiled information and I pushed to learn more. I continued to
listen and ultimately began interviewing online daters from all
walks of life. In fact, some of these dating stories could have been
great fodder for some of the best standup comedians. Actually, I
began seeing many comedians using material that I had actually
compiled over the years. It was then I realized I was onto
something.
After researching, interviewing, reading and discussing internet
dating with a growing list of people, I saw patterns that seemed to
repeat themselves time after time. I saw internet dating discussed
on television, the radio, newspapers, talk shows and more. The
business is a multi-billion dollar business on the internet, and
while the percentage of marriages starting on the internet is
growing constantly, the horror stories far surpass the success
stories. The advice-givers I'd listen to always had differing
opinions on the hot topics of online dating, and without getting out
there and doing it for themselves, how would any "professional" know
what it's like to go through this? Dr. Phil may have solid advice on
mental health issues, and human behavior. Regardless, how many
internet dates has he been on in his life? How many years has he
been posting and replying to personal ads? The answer: NONE. If it
isn't "none", then Robin should get herself a good divorce attorney,
pronto!
As time passed, I began to compile my idiot's
dating glossary from
experiences I had as well as hundreds of others' experiences. It was
the same old story over and over. I even went on internet dates
often for the sole purpose of gathering more material data for this
project. Bad Karma? Possibly. But I learned a heck of a lot, and I
saw so much for myself instead of just listening to someone else
bitch and moan about their dating experiences. Doing this confirmed
and solidified what I was hearing from so many others. So why, you
ask, have I not found the perfect woman? Actually I met plenty of
very nice women over the years. Many were quality women with lots to
offer. I found that the majority wanted to settle down and talk
about a future, but if I didn't feel they were right for me, I
usually ended the relationship. I believe that talk about a
long-term and permanent future should evolve over time as a couple
grows together and truly learns who each other is. Early on in a
fabulous relationship, you may experience lust or infatuation, but
trust me, until you know that person inside and out, you are not
experiencing "love". So any woman who started suggesting long-term
with me within the first month or two honestly scared the daylights
out of me. As I continued on this project, I hit a point where I
knew it was best to remain single, but I always keep my eyes open.
After all, the right person could very well come into your life when
you least expect it and are not actively seeking it.
As you are probably already aware, I am a male. I have always made
it a point to hear both sides of people's stories because every
story has two sides and two perspectives. You will see throughout
the site that I "tell it like it is". I don't sugarcoat, I don't
treat with kid gloves and I certainly don't beat around the bush.
Additionally, I do NOT take sides. I will not side with a man just
because I am a man. I will not criticize or give harsh advice to a
woman simply because she is female. My objective is to treat every
case individually and look at the situation with a clear
perspective. You will find, in time, that if I am hard on someone, I
am equally as hard on the men as I am on the women without
exception. I will always speak from the heart and from experience.
Please know this now: There are always exceptions to every rule. If
I discuss a 25 year old male contacting a 45 year old woman online,
I will tell you straight out it is for no reason other than sex. And
guess what? 99% of the time, I will be right. Are there exceptions?
Absolutely. Is there some 25 year old guy out there who sincerely
desires a much older woman and has plenty to offer her in terms of a
life together? I'm sure there is, but it is very very rare. When I
often say "men are pigs", do I mean this literally for every man? Of
course not. There are plenty of wonderful men online for you ladies.
But tell me this... How many penis photos have you received in
response to a very typical normal ad you placed? How many "muscle
pose" shots have you gotten? How many expletive-laced emails with
sexual innuendos have made their way to your inbox? Plenty, I know.
So if I say something like "men are pigs" it is merely a reminder
that these actions are typically characteristic of men in the world
of internet dating. When doing my research, I posted plenty of ads
and assisted females in doing the same. The responses I gathered
over the years from men and women differed so tremendously that I
had to write about it. I must have seen thousands upon thousands of
naked photos from men in response to ladies' ads. Ask me how many
naked photos came my way as a male posting a personals ad. Go ahead,
ask me! The answer: ZERO. Sure there were some sexy shots and
seductive poses, but no nudies!
In a nutshell, men and women are very different creatures. What a
woman often thinks is important, a man would not even consider as
being impactful to a woman. Guys...get a grip! If you're older than
30, women don't care about your huge biceps or your "huge member"!
They want intelligence, humor, kindness, affection, accountability,
consideration. If you are a decent looking or semi-handsome man with
these qualities, then almost any quality woman could take interest
in you. For the record, what you think is important isn't always a
the top of a woman's list and vice versa. Ladies, you might have the
most well manicured hands and feet. Your eyes might light up a room.
Your wit might be sharper than a tack. However, while these are so
highly important to you, many men don't give a hoot about any of
this. If you bring these qualities and a linebacker's build to the
table, he will most often quickly excuse himself. If you bring these
qualities and a clearly visible moustache when you arrive at the
restaurant, all your good qualities will go out the door. Men are
visual creatures, women not as much.
There is so much more I will have to say throughout the site, so be
sure to visit all of the different sections of the website, and feel
free at any time to contact me and/or submit stories and experiences
of your own. Remember, I am here to help!
Best Regards and Happy Dating!
- Dr. Gooddate
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