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MALE (BEFORE MEETING YOU): "You are just so
nice and so much fun to talk to. For me, I really don't
care about looks. It's what's on the inside that
counts."
Dr. Gooddate: Horsecrap! Men are
visual. VERY VISUAL creatures. What's on the inside???
Sure it's important, but you could have a heart of gold
and tonight's winning Lotto ticket inside you. If you
don't satisfy him visually, don't expect to hear from
him again. PERIOD. I elaborate on this below in the
next male "line".
MALE:
"Of course looks are important, but I look for so much
more in a woman before looks."
Dr. Gooddate: Once again, crapola!
I used "horsecrap" already so I had to come up with
something else. Absolutely there is more to a woman
than just physical beauty. But see the question above.
For a man, visual first, everything else second. And
keep in mind that "visually appealing" to one man is
different than another. So you need not be a supermodel
or even very pretty for that matter. Beauty truly is in
the eye of the beholder, so you just need to satisfy
this one particular man's visual and physical desires
first and foremost. Then the rest will follow suit.
Women can actually find themselves gradually becoming
more attracted to a man they were not originally
attracted to due to various qualities such as
intelligence, sense of humor, kindness, etc. While
these qualities are very important to men as well, it
won't matter if the physical attraction is not there for
the man. Case in point: I have heard many women say "He
wasn't really my type, but he was so nice, so I will go
out with him again"; or "I really wasn't very attracted
to him, but he is so funny and just a blast so I'd like
to see him again and see where this goes". This is not
uncommon. Women weigh these characteristics and
qualities much more heavily than men. Men, on the other
hand, will not weigh anything when they're not feeling
the attraction to a woman. Therefore, you will never
hear a man say, "I really wasn't attracted to her at
all, but she was just so funny and nice that I want to
date her again". Sorry ladies, it just doesn't work
this way for men. The difference between men and woman
can be summarized in these sample conversations:
A woman inquiring about her friend's
date
Mary: So how was your
date? Where did you go? Did you have a nice time?
Jane: We had a very nice
time. We met for drinks and talked for hours. You
know, I didn't find him to be very attractive, but he is
just so nice and very funny too. He made me laugh all
night long! I'm definitely going to see him again.
A man asking his buddy about a recent
date
Mike: So dude, how did
it go last night? Was she hot?
John: Hell no! Hey!
Check out that chick over there! Damn she's hot!
MALE or FEMALE:
"I know things are moving quickly. I really like you,
but this is not like me. I never move this fast."
Dr. Gooddate: What a crock!
People are who they are. We all have friends that fall
"in love" in a heartbeat with a person every time they
meet someone new. At least they THINK they're in love.
If someone is moving your new relationship forward at
the speed of light, this is more than likely what they
always do. Don't be impressed with yourself just yet
Captain Speedy, because you are not the first person to
whom he or she has said this.
MALE OR FEMALE:
"I know we just met online, and I usually
prefer to take time to know someone before I meet them.
But I feel so comfortable with you that I want to meet
you now!"
Dr. Gooddate: UGH! See above.
Same sh*t, different day. Someone who has integrity and
is morally set in their ways will live by their rules
always. If an empowered, confident person consistently
waits to know you before meeting a stranger, then he or
she will wait for you too. Anyone else is just rushing
things ahead and is more than likely in for a letdown.
Nothing is wrong with meeting someone right away if you
feel a true connection or chemistry. Anyone who feels
the need to "advertise" that they are typically not like
this, is false advertising.
FEMALE:
"My ex-husband is such a jerk! I don't know how
I ever married the man in the first place. But I am so
over that now."
Dr. Gooddate: PUH-LEEEEASE! Give
me a break! "So over it"? If you were, you wouldn't
feel the need to talk about him to a complete stranger,
nor would you have the need to ridicule or criticize
your ex. Regardless of what transpired in the past and
how you THINK you feel now, when you are "so over it",
your desire to talk about it will be nonexistent,
especially to someone you just met. This goes both
ways. Guys do it too! If you have to listen to a
stranger ramble on and on about his ex-wife, he probably
still loves her, or is bitter and hates her! If this
wasn't the case, there would be no need to talk about
her. Either way, it's a losing proposition.
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