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MALE (BEFORE MEETING YOU): "You are
just so nice and so much fun to talk to. For me, I really don't care about
looks. It's what's on the inside that counts."
Dr. Datealot: Horsecrap! Men are visual. VERY
VISUAL creatures. What's on the inside??? Sure it's important, but you
could have a heart of gold and tonight's winning Lotto ticket inside you.
If you don't satisfy him visually, don't expect to hear from him again.
PERIOD. I elaborate on this below in the next male "line".
MALE: "Of course looks are important,
but I look for so much more in a woman before looks."
Dr. Datealot: Once again, crapola! I used "horsecrap"
already so I had to come up with something else. Absolutely there is more
to a woman than just physical beauty. But see the question above. For a man, visual first,
everything else second. And keep in mind that "visually appealing" to one
man is different than another. So you need not be a supermodel or even very
pretty for that matter. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, so you just need to satisfy this
one particular man's visual and physical
desires first and foremost. Then the rest will follow suit. Women
can actually find themselves gradually becoming more attracted to a man they
were not originally attracted to due to various qualities such as intelligence,
sense of humor, kindness, etc. While these qualities are very important to men as
well, it won't matter if the physical attraction is not there for the man.
Case in point: I have heard many women say "He wasn't really my type, but he was
so nice, so I will go out with him again"; or "I really wasn't very attracted to
him, but he is so funny and just a blast so I'd like to see him again and see
where this goes". This is not uncommon. Women weigh these
characteristics and qualities much more heavily than men. Men, on the
other hand, will not weigh anything when they're not feeling the attraction to a
woman. Therefore, you will never hear a man say, "I really wasn't
attracted to her at all, but she was just so funny and nice that I want to date
her again". Sorry ladies, it just doesn't work this way for men.
The difference between men and woman can be summarized in these sample
conversations:
A woman inquiring about her friend's date
Mary: So how was your date? Where
did you go? Did you have a nice time?
Jane: We had a very nice time. We met
for drinks and talked for hours. You know, I didn't find him to be very
attractive, but he is just so nice and very funny too. He made me laugh
all night long! I'm definitely going to see him again.
A man asking his buddy about a recent date
Mike: So dude, how did it go last night?
Was she hot?
John: Hell no! Hey! Check out
that chick over there! Damn she's hot!
MALE or FEMALE: "I know things are
moving quickly. I really like you, but this is not like me. I never move
this fast."
Dr. Datealot: What a crock! People are who they are.
We all have friends that fall "in love" in a heartbeat with a person every time
they meet someone new. At least they THINK they're in love. If
someone is moving your new relationship forward at the speed of light, this is
more than likely what they always do. Don't be impressed with yourself
just yet Captain Speedy, because you are not the first person to whom he or she
has said this.
MALE OR FEMALE: "I
know we just met online, and I usually prefer to take time to know
someone before I meet them. But I feel so comfortable with you
that I want to meet you now!"
Dr. Datealot: UGH! See above. Same sh*t,
different day. Someone who has integrity and is morally set in
their ways will live by their rules always. If an empowered,
confident person consistently waits to know you before meeting a
stranger, then he or she will wait for you too. Anyone else is
just rushing things ahead and is more than likely in for a letdown.
Nothing is wrong with meeting someone right away if you feel a true
connection or chemistry. Anyone who feels the need to "advertise"
that they are typically not like this, is false advertising.
FEMALE: "My
ex-husband is such a jerk! I don't know how I ever married the man
in the first place. But I am so over that now."
Dr. Datealot: PUH-LEEEEASE! Give me a break! "So
over it"? If you were, you wouldn't feel the need to talk about
him to a complete stranger, nor would you have the need to ridicule or
criticize your ex. Regardless of what transpired in the past and
how you THINK you feel now, when you are "so over it", your desire to
talk about it will be nonexistent, especially to someone you just met.
This goes both ways. Guys do it too! If you have to listen
to a stranger ramble on and on about his ex-wife, he probably still
loves her, or is bitter and hates her! If this wasn't the case,
there would be no need to talk about her. Either way, it's a
losing proposition.
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