Internet Dating and Online Personals Glossary

When searching internet personals and dating websites, it is imperative that you don't judge a book by its cover.  There are important considerations to take into account when viewing a photo.  They will be discussed here so you will be armed and ready to know what to look for!

The Photo Fibber tries to win your heart or get in your good graces with a photo that does not accurately portray themselves, hoping to woo you with their personality and non-physical traits.  The fact of the matter is this:  Believe what you will, but attraction is always the "first impression" and the most important part of finding a partner.  "It's what is on the inside that counts" is only true when there is something on the outside to attract you.  Mother Theresa was one of the most wonderful souls to ever walk the face of the earth.  A beautiful spirit, a philanthropist with a love for all humankind.  How many men out there would want to date her?  And lades, how's you like to have a love relationship with Gandhi?  No?  Why not?  Yes, these examples are extreme, but brains, personality and kindness will only goes so far for most of us.  We all want a partner with these wonderful traits, but we also have to be attracted to the person.  Like it or not, it is not only what is on the inside that counts, so make your photos count, and be real from the get go.  You'll only be in for disappointment when the man or woman you meet is disinterested and disgruntled after seeing that you are nothing like the person in your photo!  This is perhaps the biggest gripe of all online daters.

BEWARE OF GLAMOUR SHOTS ON INTERNET DATING PERSONAL PROFILES

I stress this from experience and this has been confirmed to me by countless other.  If a person has to display a glamour shot to show themselves off on an online dating site, something is usually wrong.  Let's face it, a chimpanzee can look good in a glamour shot!  It's like the TV makeover shows where a not-so-attractive man or woman looks totally hot after a makeover.  Wake up folks!  This person does not look like this all the time, and while nobody looks great all the time, Glamour Shots often take someone who rarely looks good and makes them look fantastic.  I learned this after a couple of internet dates with women who had glamour shots posted in their profile.  The one who stands out most was a woman who was simply stunning in her photo.  Hair was perfect, makeup impeccable, wonderful smile and more.  I then met her in person to find her in denim overalls, sneakers and a smile that revealed several missing teeth!  And get this... she lived in a trailer.  No kidding folks.  Nothing against people who live in trailers, but this woman personified the term "trailer trash" and gave the many beautiful, wonderful people who live in trailer homes a bad name.  Ah ha!  No wonder she had a closed mouth smile in her pictures! 

My point is simple:  There are beautiful people who have had glamour shots taken, but they will also often have more animated, typical photos in their profile showing themselves in ordinary situations, at parties, during holidays, on vacation, with friends, etc.  As humans, we are all beautiful, but we are not all "attractive" in the eyes of others.  God (or whomever/whatever your belief is) made us look the way we do and it's a fact of life.  If the only photo in a personal profile is a Glamour Shot, be warned, there is a reason for this.  In other words, do not fall in love with a photo, or more times than not, you will be disappointed.  One of my most memorable and most attractive dates was with a woman whose photo was just average.  As a matter of fact, she didn't look too great in the picture and didn't seem to be my type physically.  But after my experiences with great photos turning out to be disappointments in person, I gave it a shot.  Well this woman had the guts to post an ordinary photo in ordinary clothing, looking tired if anything - but she did have a nice smile and pretty eyes.  We spoke on the phone several times and she was very nice, so we decided to meet in person.  Well "stunning" is an understatement!  She was absolutely beautiful, classy, well dressed, well mannered and very easy on the eyes.  So what did I find most attractive about her?  It was her self-confidence and her awareness that she would receive hundreds of go-nowhere replies had she posted a glamour shot or a sexy photo of herself.  She knew that would draw shallow replies from shallow men.  She also knew that if a man actually took the time to get to know her, and like her, they would be more than pleased when the in-person meeting came.  To say the least, I was ecstatic when we met!

IF YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU DID 20 YEARS AGO, DEAL WITH IT AND BE HONEST!

Gentlemen:  From weight issues to thinning hair lines, nobody likes to deal with the aging process unless they are 100% secure with themselves, and the fact is, few people are.  If I had a nickel for every woman who has told me about a man's thick, full head of hair in his photo becoming thin, balding and sparse in person because he posted a 10-20 year old photo on his profile - well - I'd have a lot of nickels!  Guys!!!!! She's going to see you in person.  If you try to start a relationship with a lie, the level of belief and trust will be immediately diminished.  Not only that, but you will be looked at as a liar - better yet, a Photo Fibber!  Many women like bald men.  Many women don't mind extra weight on a guy.  So if you've got it, show it in your photos for crying out loud!  When a 6 foot tall man with a tight body and thick head of hair turns out to be a 5'7" shlump with a sagging gut and very little hair, the woman will be turned off immediately, and not always by how you actually look, but by how you misrepresented yourself.  We all have an image in our minds of how someone will look when we meet.  Make your image accurate!

Ladies:  Ladies, Ladies, Ladies!  Honesty counts, and if you talk to me, the people I have interviewed, or speak to many of your own male friends about their online dating experiences, you will find that too often the ladies are misrepresenting themselves.  Yes you know why; your weight.  It's undoubtedly the biggest issue for women and like it or not, one of the biggest for the men as well when it comes to choosing a woman.   Be honest in your singles ad, and be honest in your photo.  Terms like "HWP" and "Curvy" should be used only when they're accurate.  Marilyn Monroe was curvy.  Beyonce Knowles is curvy.  This is what curvy is.  "Curvy" does not mean fat.  "Saggy" would be more appropriate for "fat".  If I see one more ad that says "curvy but in all the right places", I think I'm going to be sick!  Here is how that translates to men:  "I'm larger, but my breasts are huge".  Men hear what they want to hear regardless of how you put it in your ad.  I personally have nothing against big girls.  I happen to like them equally as well as smaller girls.  I desire a pretty girl who is intelligent, outgoing and caring.  If she is on the "bigger" side, that would be OK if the other pieces of the puzzle are in place.  Honestly, I do not desire a "fat" person who does not take care of herself.  I am not in the minority ladies, I'm sorry.  Most men are the same way.  If your photo is misleading, you will only disappoint the man you finally meet him.  Let's face it, the majority of Americans can stand to lose weight and oftentimes, a lot of it!  If you're heavy, show a picture of yourself beyond just your face so you can give the men an opportunity to see the real you.  I have met many women who are very pretty, and their face picture was pretty as well.  What I didn't see was that 5'4" frame was actually carrying around an extra 75-100 pounds!  Well I saw it when we met, and it was highly disappointing.  What made these experiences even more disappointing was that the women misrepresented themselves from the start.  Do not assume that your pretty face and engaging personality will lure a man in and woo him into caring for you.  Honesty is the best policy with your photos, otherwise you will be in for the experience I've been told about endlessly which goes something like this: "I don't understand!  We got along so well on the phone.  He loved my picture.  Then we met and I never heard from him again".  Wake up ladies!  There's a reason for this.  If you're a bigger gal, then say so in your ad.  If you don't care that you're bigger, then say it and show your self-confidence in your ad as well to complement what you just said about your weight.  If you receive emails from men who say they love bigger gals, HEADS UP!  Many men do like bigger gals, but many other men will say they do just to meet you and follow their own dating "agenda", and we all know what that is (I will discuss this in other areas of the site).  If you engage in email or phone conversation with a man who claims to like larger ladies, then ask him why he is attracted to that.  Ask how often in the past he has dated larger ladies.  Learn about his sincerity before you meet, because trust me, men are VISUAL creatures.  Their actions when you meet mean so much more than their words did before you met.  I don't want any larger ladies thinking I am picking on them. I certainly am not.  The same scenario holds true for men.  If Joe places an online personals ad and posts a photo from 10 years and 80 pounds ago, you too would be disappointed about his misrepresentation.  Lastly ladies, avoid posting older photos from when you were sexier, thinner and happier.  This too is a lie and merely represents who you want to be but not who you are now.  We all get older and many of us get larger.  We are rarely in the same shape we were when we were younger.  Posting an older photo that no longer looks like you do now speaks volumes for your insecurity and lack of self esteem.  BE HONEST!!!  It will pay off in the long term.

Diagnosis:  Distrustful, Insecure, Pretentious

Have a good story about an experience with a person or date who personifies The Photo Fibber?  Let us know! 

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