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I met a guy on a blind date. His friend told me he lived alone and had custody of his 8ry old daughter. Dated him for a year when I found out that he was already living with another lady for 4 yrs. Judging by the house, you'd never know that a woman lived there. There was no feminine stuff around and he even introduced me to his daughter. I bought gifts for him and his daughter, and loaned him money left and right. He stated how much he loved me and I treated him better than any woman.

He told me the woman moved out. I went to spend the night. She had a key got in. He was terrified, had me jump out the window, but she met me outside to slap me a good one. She did move out. 1.5 yrs later I find out that he was sleeping with a realtor friend of his. She told me that he was also sleeping with 2 other women. I confronted him to which he stated that there was never to be a relationship, he never wanted my company, that he just cared for me.

Guess he was only friendly toward me since I always paid for everything and even paid some of his bills. He made me believe that we were going to live together. Hope I get back the $700.00.  That doesn't include money I spent on gifts for every holiday and food I bought. So much for love. I just wasted almost 4yrs on this creep!! Watch out ladies he is looking again, he'll just use you for anything he can. He never has any money due to the home market. Sad thing is his daughter's mother is a drug addict and drinks a lot. She never sees her and her dad introduces the daughter to 3 or 4 women that he is seeing at the same time. I truly feel sorry for her. I would have been good for her. The dating world SUCKS!!!   - Darlene

Dr. Gooddate's response:

Darlene, Darlene, Darlene. Played by the player! You should never lower yourself to a standard so degrading that it has you climbing/sneaking out of windows. Chances are that nearly everything this man told you was a lie. Give what you get. This is my mantra. Spending money on someone who isn't reciprocating, as well as giving anything that isn't returned in kind, is one of the worst mistakes anyone can make.

Forget about money as the issue here. The fact is that one should never lower him/herself to a standard less than how they'd want to be treated. If you love holding hands, but your mate refuses, then leave. If you like kissing, but your mate does not, then leave. If you're a snuggler but get pushed aside whenever you try, then leave.

The premise is always the same: Give what you get. If you enjoy giving more than you're getting, then it's hopeless. I honestly don't think there are even any exceptions to this rule, unless someone is a martyr who can live with being shunned and belittled. However, in an instance like this, the proverbial icing on the cake is the money. It is critical that a woman (and yes, even a man) pay close attention to a "taker". If your date takes, takes, takes but never gives - and it gets to the point where this includes money, then you need to leave and never look back.

Your red flags were so red, they were actually turning maroon! All of the signs and symptoms of this relationship were screaming at you to leave. But you didn't. In the end, all you can do is learn from this. What I find difficult to believe is "4 years"! If you stayed around for that long, I'd have to say that you stayed 3 years and 51 weeks too long. Keep your money in your pocket next time and remember this: Nearly everyone has hard times at some point in their lives. However, a person of integrity will do something about it, and not turn to their boyfriend or girlfriend to be bailed out. If you are far enough along in a mutually satisfying relationship, and that person needs you temporarily, then by all means, be there to help. But when someone consistently has no money, has horrible morals, makes continual poor decisions with their child and keeps coming to you for money, I can only think of one word to describe this person. LOSER!

The dating world does suck at times, but its "suckiness" is only magnified when one makes poor decisions and turns a blind eye to the most obvious writing on the wall.