My husband passed away a year ago and life has been hell and heart break ever since. After some advice from a friend of mine I put myself on internet dating. I got dozens of interest and found myself talking to a certain man from the west coast. He insisted that I must come and meet him as he is always busy and he likes me so much that he thinks we must meet in person to know the chemistry, needless to say I liked him too.
After talking to a few people I decided to go and meet him. He picked me up at the airport and I was delighted to see that he was better looking in person than the internet. We went for dinner from the airport and he suggested going to his house and watch a movie or something and then he can take me to the hotel if I want or I can stay in his house. By now I was comfortable enough to follow his advice. All the way he held my hand. When we reached his home he went around showing his home to me, when we entered his bedroom he hugged me and proceeded to get hot and heavy, I was attracted to him but this was a surprise. I insisted that he stop. He kept pushing himself and kept telling me to let loose and enjoy the moment as we both deserve to be happy. I did not enjoy a minute of this sudden action as I was not ready for it. He had his way and left as nothing happened in less then 5 minutes. I was shocked and confused. Right after that his attitude changed to cold and carless he only wanted to talk about his kids and family. As if nothing had happened he bought me the morning after pill the next day and left me at the airport without even a hug. Call me if you feel like it he said. This incident has left me more broken than before. - Catrina
Dr. Gooddate's response:
Your situation is a sad and too-often occurring one Catrina. I empathize with your situation and am very sorry for the loss which put you back among the singles.
As I have said so many times, do not travel to meet a man for the first date. Let him come to you! Much of my reply to you would be the same as my reply to Darlene in the date from hell entitled Dating the Player Will Cost You. I suggest you take a look at that disastrous date and read the reply I had for Darlene. Also keep the following in mind: When a man you just met rushes into sex, he typically rushes out of the situation once he is "finished" with you. This is not true for all men and all situations, but there are two factors here. He just wanted sex and/or he wanted sex and a possible relationship if he actually liked you. So there is also a chance that you were not his type, although hearing way too many stories of this nature, I would venture a guess that it was only about the sex.
While long distance relationships can sometimes work, remember that you are meeting for the first time and you are the one doing the traveling for the first meeting (this is a major mistake). In such a situation, the distance gives men like this the security that he can "throw you aside" without any ramifications, because you don't live within walking or driving distance and he probably won't see you nor hear from you again. Take heed ladies! If you can, please avoid hookups with men who are outside of normal driving distance. By normal, I mean within one hour. If the long distance - requiring an actual airplane to meet someone - doesn't bother you, then take at least several months to actually do something as simple as this: GET TO KNOW HIM FIRST!
